5 Things I Have Learned on My Son’s Journey to Black Belt

Two and a half years ago we went to a parade in my town. I wasn’t sure why I had taken my young son as he seemed more interested in running around and around and had zero interest in watching. Then the Taekwondo float was coming by. There were marital artists using their weapons, doing kicks and looking incredibly sharp. My wild child calmed for a moment as his mouth fell open and he watched in amazement as the young men and women went by. He was fixated. After they passed he asked me what they were. The real-life ninjas he had watched that night caused me to begin looking into the program.

When my son was 5 he started Taekwondo. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have my doubts. I didn’t want this to cause him to be on the prowl for a fight any time he could find it. I didn’t want him to be in a sport where he could get hurt. And maybe he is still young and a bit too energetic for this. All of my hesitations were put to rest when he started.

Taekwondo has some tenants that they teach by, and expect their students to live by. If you listen at the beginning of class you will always hear them repeat them together, a fantastic way to remind them how they will conduct themselves while in class (and hopefully outside class).

Courtesy

There are no “yeah” and “nope”. You address your instructor as sir or ma’am and you don’t forget. (Bonus: they also want this to continue outside class to their parents.) My son has always had a decent grasp of this. And he is a pretty courteous young man, but still learning occurred here.

When he was several months in, he began contact sparring (with padded gear). He was over the moon the night his gear came in and he was able to begin sparring with his classmates.  The beauty of this… many times you will see them bump fists prior to their match. AND in class and testing they aren’t encouraged to beat each other down. They aren’t out for blood. They give some kicks/punches and they take (hopefully block) some from their teammate. This may not be considered a team sport as much as baseball or football, but they are a team and they want each other to succeed.

It is a beautiful thing to watch two opponents “fight” then take off their gloves and laugh with one another. Iron sharpens iron… you want your fellow classmates to excel. You want them to win. Their win doesn’t mean a loss on your part. Their win is a win for you both. So they are a team.

This is huge. Watching someone else win doesn’t mean I lose, maybe I didn’t win this round… maybe I need to sharpen my skills before the next “match”, but I have hopefully learned something that can help me next time.

Integrity

This one is a huge one in our home. We talk about it often. Our words has to stand for something. We have to have integrity in life or we will get no where. Our daughter calls this one cookie jar. She is in a class called Little Dragons and is learning some kicks and punches, and even how to sit still. She knows that she is supposed to keep her hands out of the cookie jar even if no one is looking. (Now, don’t tell my kids, but Mama struggles with keeping her hand out of the cookie jar when they go to bed.)

I know that when I ask my son something he will tell the truth, even if it means he will be in trouble. He is a young man with integrity and I am so very proud of him.

I do my best to keep my word. If I tell my kids we will have tacos for supper that is because I have checked to be sure we have everything for tacos. Keeping my word on the small things is just as important as the big things… and having tacos for supper is one of the big things!




 

Perseverance

It takes two and a half years… at the least… to get to a black belt. That is with no breaks. My 8 year old son dedicated two and a half years to a goal. He practiced in our living room, our back yard, at the Eiffel Tower, in airports, on vacations, in parks, and against my better wishes even in the grocery store from time to time.

If my 5 year old son can set a goal and stay concentrated on it for two and a half years, surely I can do 3 months with no sugar (I just gotta keep my hand out of the cookie jar).

Living in a world with google and instant access to so many things has me a bit impatient. I set goals and I want to reach them NOW. If my son had set the goal of black belt and achieved it in 6 months it wouldn’t have been nearly as rewarding. Sometimes it is the journey that is as rewarding as actually achieving the goal.

Self-Control

My son has the ability to go from running around the room and playing with friends to standing still and paying attention in seconds. It is incredible to watch him transform from the energetic boy to the disciplined young man the moment his class begins.

Watching my 8 year old son with the self-control he has is inspiring. Watching a room of excited kids go from laughing and running to standing straight, eyes forward, with hands straight at their sides listening for instructions from their instructor is powerful. I have been to Taekwondo when the teens have a break between classes. Many sit at the back table working on homework and I have seen older ones helping younger ones. The team mentality doesn’t stop when they are off the mats. They genuinely want each other to succeed. I am grateful my son gets to be around this group.

Watching this level of discipline, knowing that these young adults are our future is uplifting. There are many areas of my life where self-control and discipline are important… finishing a load of laundry instead of scrolling through Facebook being one.




 

Indomitable Spirit

This one is a bit tough to explain, but much easier to see. Watching my son and his classmates at testing defines indomitable spirit.  On belt testing day the students wear their nice crisp uniforms, and show what they know. They have worked two months (or more) learning their form, perfecting their form, and practicing over and over.

They recite their tenants, and student oath. When they are called up to the front of the room they are facing a panel of judges. More than one set of eyes watching their every move. In the back of the room are their fellow classmates and the nervous parents.

They do their form that they have worked on in front of lots of people, not for entertainment… for judging. Gosh, in a world where we are terrified of being judged… these students walk into this room for the purpose of being judged. They do their form and if they make a mistake they can do it again. Yes, MAKE A MISTAKE, in a room full of people watching them. They do their form a second time and usually get it correct. So, you can mess up with people watching and still recover.

Gosh what a valuable lesson for my son to learn at only 8 years old. He can mess up, people may see it, but he can come back from mistakes. WOW!!  That is powerful for me, because I gotta be honest… I make plenty of mistakes.

They also do board breaks. This is powerful. There are so many factors involved here. I had no idea before entering the Taekwondo world that they board has to be held properly. If I were to go out and hold the board I probably wouldn’t provide the proper support, I might let the board give as it is hit… I might jerk. As in life, we need the proper support to do big things. In board breaking the students don’t get the job done alone. They have a support system.

They also don’t break just any board you buy at Lowes. So the students aren’t just aiming at just any target. The students don’t get comfortable with the same way of breaking every time. This changes… sometimes you kick, sometimes you punch, sometimes you do both. It changes, just like life. And my favorite part of board breaking… you aren’t aiming at the board. You don’t break a board by aiming at the board…. you must punch through. You have to visualize your fist going through the board, you have to punch through. You can’t stop short. Your target must be on the other side of the board. So if you are going to reach your goal you have to aim past it. That is powerful.

Before we started Taekwondo I had my fears. I was afraid it would cause him to be constantly looking for a fight, but that isn’t the case. It has given him the confidence to stand up to others that are looking for one. (He let a kid on the playground know real quick that his sister would NOT be cornered again.) I was afraid he would get hurt, but 2 1/2 years in and we haven’t had anything other than a jammed toe or a scratched finger. I was afraid he was too young and too energetic… Taekwondo has captured that youth and has shown him how to manage and control that energy in a powerful way.

Watching my son’s journey to a black belt has been so inspiring. My son joined Taekwondo to learn martial arts. But we have learned so much more in the process. We didn’t join a Taekwondo school, we became a part of a family. A family that celebrates one another. A family that cheers for each other. A family that encourages on tough days. A family that loves one another enough to correct the mistakes. A family that isn’t in competition, but is in unity. A family that lifts each other up. A family, not out of obligation, but out of choice.

Taekwondo has shown us a whole new level of courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control, & indomitable spirit. My son joined this family to learn some cool kicks and punches; but it has taught our entire household so much more than martial arts.